Dear God

You are an awesome God. You created the heavens and the earth. You created the world and made life possible to exist. I exist because of You. You created so many wonderful things, but why do I keep on putting myself down in so many ways?

Years ago, I declared that it is good to be your own best friend. But.. It has been three years that I have become my own worst enemy. It must be a difficult thing to stick to your own principles at times.

I have kept on saying negative words to myself. I have constantly thought that negative things will keep on happening in my life, and I hated myself so much to the point that I fell into Major Depressive Disorder. During those times, I felt nothing. I got tired of crying again and again. I lost all taste in life. Nothing excites me anymore. Nothing is new and everything became boring. I just want to lie down in bed thinking about nothing all day. I have had many absences. I no longer function like before. I feel like I am invisible and I see no one anymore. I no longer care about what would anybody think of me.

My eyes puffed and swollen. I know my students would recognize. The pretense is no longer there. They know I am suffering deep within. I know I shouldn’t, but what can I do? I’m in the dark and I see no light.

How was I able to move myself out of that darkest pit of my life? Based on my observation, my emotional outbreaks became lesser and lesser when this pandemic started. I have had more time to think, to de-stress, to re-think myself, to re-create what was broken, to finally expose all my triggers, and to face them one at a time.

I started exercising since I believe that one of the major reasons for my depression was the state of my health. I did so to balance out my hormones. I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, the reason for my hormonal imbalances, stress problems, weight gains, hair fall, constant irritability, emotional outbreaks and anxiety attacks.

Well, I cannot blame everything to my ovaries. I cannot blame everything to my insulin resistance for ruining my hormones. I have to do something about it. If you have an enemy, you shouldn’t sit down and wait for them to attack you. You either defend yourself, fight back, or at least become stronger so your enemy will not belittle you. In my case, this pandemic allowed me to have time for myself. I punched my hormonal imbalance while it’s unaware that I’m readying myself to fight back. I exercised. I ate healthily (knowing that the body is also the temple of the Holy Spirit). I managed my stress.

I see some changes.

I became happier. My emotions became stable. My thoughts no longer kill me softly. I am becoming better. My symptoms somehow diminish from day to day. My menstruation became regular for two consecutive months now. I am so grateful.

Thank You, Lord.

Thank You that I can go back to Your presence once again. I no longer want to go back to that darkest phase of my life when I know that aside from the health reasons, deep inside, I know that it is also because I have not spent time talking to You, my God. I want to spend everyday of my life thinking of You and Your plans for me and for all humanity. I want to seek You everyday and listen to Your assuring Words that I can find contentment in You alone.

Fame. Money. Power. Ambition. Marriage. Friendships. Family. Name it. Nothing can ever compare to Your LOVE for us. You listen like nobody else in this world. You are my best friend. You are the SOURCE of everything. You are everything to me. I need You. I need You. I need You. You alone, Oh God, is all I ever need. Everything that I have are bonuses from You. I thank You for blessing me with countless blessings I have overlooked for many years. The thing is living this life without You is not living at all.

I was able to overcome because You are with me. Keep me. Keep me close to Your heart as I seek You. Lead me once again.

In Jesus Name,

Amen.

Man-made Man

There was a world where we all lived in. People who seemed to be normal are now different — in a way too modern for us to know. Men became small in number and women became desperate.

The cities are all consistently quiet and unusually weird. Walls are built among seas higher than the skies and open seas are no longer open. There’s a sense of hopelessness where the thoughts of people becoming obsolete followed them all like a dark and ominous shadow.

Male scientists however, showed their valued integrity and their endless concern in finding the unimaginable and unconcievable solutions for this ununderstandable societal problems.

On a small town, a rare chance was given to a lady who has her mom with her. She was chosen to participate in the experimental position needed for this scientific research. Scientists gave way for technology to create ‘man’ with a complete likeness to humanity. The characteristics, and the personality can be customized. January 10, 2515 was the date when they will show the man to this certain lady.

On the day itself, the lady was excited and scared at the same time. How will he look like? How is she going to be treated by this man? Is she ready for marriage? The scientist talked to her for fifteen minutes and then led her to a white walled room with a two-door sliding doors which happens to be automatic. The machine inside clicked open and there came a man, a man who is dedicated for the chosen lady, customized and perfected according to her preferences.

As soon as she saw him, she became nervous. And as soon as he saw her, he knew he’s going to marry her.

They were announced engaged later in that afternoon.

Envisioning My Highest Best Self

I envision my best self living a life filled with nothing except love and compassion. I desire to see a woman who is complete and not lacking anything. I am independent and responsible to my own growth. I am accountable to the family I belong, to the workplace I belong, to the riches handed over to me, to the neighborhood I live in, to the nature and to all humankind. I have a capability to influence, however I do not wish to influence with words but with actions of love that is truer than any written or spoken words of human beings.

I believe that when I become my best self, I will no longer seek anything for myself. I will no longer feel deprived of anything because I will have more. I will have more by giving what I have and who I am to people who are more in need than I am. I will sympathize and act out my compassion. I will be sincere and more loving, passionate in helping, generous in giving. I will deny myself and all that I want for myself in order to join the passion of the Lord Jesus on the cross when He died for our sins.

There is no greater purpose in life than living a life that definitely serves the Lord by means of loving. He stated in His Words that His first commandment on the New Testament is, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength.”  And the second one is, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” We must love the Lord before we can also love other people.

I must live in connection with Him so I can have a direct guidance and do what is right every single time. I want to surrender all that I am to Him and to extinguish the “Self” that is ruining God’s plans for this life He has given me. I have to really die to myself and let Him live in me. I want the LORD to be really alive in me.

When I learn to really forget myself, and learn to see what other people need, that is when I start living truly.

My Moon River

You may be the man I met years ago,
but you’re the one who took a risk not to let me go.
Future may have been unknown,
But to us, everything was shown.

Before you, everything was black and white
You came and gave me light.
You chose me from all that you can find
Even when with all the women, I’m just behind.

When I saw a glimpse of your soul,
you made my soul recognize your soul.
I longed for a guy like you,
Not knowing that who’s meant for me is you.

Little conversations aren’t little at all
when your words captured my thoughts.
The moment we talked about the moon
You gave me something like a boon.

Though your love was sheltered in a cove
You gave me a bouquet of rose
I had my chances of love
Though no one got so close.

Nothing and no one can match
Every answered prayer with you
When our hearts first touched
I know I can never let you go.

Our love grows and grows
And I may seem not ready but,
You are who I want and needed –
To you, my life is embedded.

Our Greatest Need

We are all needy. Like in everything everyday, we seek something from situations and people we love. We are all in need.

It just feels great that the LORD spoke when I felt like the most needy person on earth. HE told me that HE is my shepherd, and that I shall not be in want. HE engraved it in my heart when I cannot find myself needing HIM first of all. When I tried to look for other things to fulfill myself then failed in the process, the LORD did speak. When I didn’t even call HIS Name for help but help finds me, I was assured of HIS great love for me.

HE really is here. Alive in me. Alive in you.

Our greatest need is the LORD. If we failed to seek HIM every single day,  we’ll find ourselves seeking from other people and situations. And it will be very selfish of us to look from them what only GOD can supply and satisfy.

The LORD is everything we need. HE satisfies our soul. HE will always, always fill our dryness with HIS streams of water.

Have a blessed day!

What Happened, Hope?

I had an English class yesterday, January 12, at Grade 7-Hope. I asked them to have a group seatwork activity to lessen the probable cause of chaos in the room, which is not actually a room because it has no walls. The activity went well and it is going on smoothly as I roam around the class and tried to check over every group when something unexpected happened. It happened.  The unexpected was that a child was accidentally stabbed by a pointed object on his left hand. He was rushed to the clinic and hospital to the next. Got injected anti tetanus and was x-rayed before it was even removed. Her aunt was the sole guardian of that student of mine. She is also a public high school teacher. Sadly, she reacted differently than what is expected for a teacher. She dealt with us with so much anger and treated me as if I am the sole factor for the accident, raised her voice on me and said that my license is at stake here.

I know I need to learn more because I know that I am still young and innocent in many ways. I know I cannot just ask, “Why always me? Don’t others need to learn too?” Why do they have the right to say things I don’t even want to hear (for I have been hearing a lot from many)?  How can they judge when they were not in the place to judge me? How could they react so negatively with the things that happened and tried to put the blame on me?  I want to defend myself. I want to. I can’t just let things be. However, I believe I have my Defender beside me no matter what.

I know this may look like I’m failing and to others I may look like I am an irresponsible teacher who doesn’t involve discipline in her class, but in my heart, I know God is leading me toward Him more and more. I know that He knows that I am doing my job. Though, I have many things to learn more than what I already know.

Sometimes it is good to feel like no one is there to comfort you in times of trouble. Know that God never even have thoughts of leaving you. God loves you and that is more than enough.

It makes me feel so joyful even in this sad point of my life. God is good. I know He will see through us and He will intervene. My heart trusts in Him. I don’t care what other people say. No, I really don’t care. I can still put a smile on my face. No matter what they say.

I am blessed. I am loved. I am honored. I am complete in the Lord. I am not in need of their acceptance or understanding, for I am received by the King of Kings.  I am richly hailed as heir of the Almighty. What can I ask for more? I am a princess. I have someone to defend me.

It’s better to think you’re not perfect believing that you still make mistakes rather than put yourself higher than others and think that you are better than them.

I make mistakes; I grow. Let’s end with that.

The Call with bits of Frustration, Pity, and Anger

Teaching is a difficult job. When it comes to dealing with children, it was said that we must be patiently waiting for a good kind of transformation.

I have been teaching for three years now but being a teacher is still an uneasy task.

I started teaching high school students last August 18, 2014 at a public high school in our local community. I even began teaching as a volunteer — without pay for one week or so.

The beginning of my teaching career on this school went smoothly since I came from a loooong vacation. I can say that I have gathered all the energy that I will need. So, I rolled my sleeves up and worked enthusiastically. Everybody in the school might have noticed my eagerness to teach, that on the first month, I was granted an award, earning the title of “Best Subject Teacher”. This is when we celebrated the World Teachers Day in the school. I was surprised and touched by this unexpected event. I was inspired then.

Days and months passed and my calm spirit and joyful aura was stable. Not until today, I noticed the frustrating feeling again. This is the feeling of ineffectivity, when students don’t seem to learn at all, when students don’t bother listening to your discussions, when students don’t do their best, when students fail to choose the right things over the wrong ones, when students do exactly the opposite of being respectful. I feel harrassed and helpless. I feel a great sense of anger with the happenings. I feel a deep kind of pity. What will happen to these kids’ future?

I would love to love them. I love them and would like to help them. I desire to contribute something for their growth not just academically but more importantly morally.

I’d like to do things extraordinarily with classes having hundred students each. I know it’s hard for them. And on behalf of the teachers, I can say that it’s a difficulty we’re dealing with. Having 2100 students with six functioning classrooms, you can only imagine how we’re surviving. Despite these all, I’d like to make a distinction with my way of teaching. I don’t want to have eyes that sees only the walls that hinder but eyes that sees with vision.

Teaching is not about money after all. As a teacher, I realized that I have been too concerned. And sometimes, maybe, do I have to detach myself from them? No. These feelings, they like drain me away. Help me, God. I need You.

Love Me

“Love thyself. :-)”

Figure out today that the pain you have felt is the reason why you are enjoying this epiphany of yours. You may have felt hurt by some people you considered close to you but if not for them you won’t be able to love yourself for who you are together with your imperfections. You have learned to accept, to appreciate, and to love yourself. And believe altogether that FAITH will keep you firm as you aim to be who you are supposed to be in the Lord.

Troubles laid down on your path are tests of faith waiting to be won over. You are not a mouse which chases its cheese in a mouse trap waiting for itself to get killed. You are destined to win your every case. It depends much on how you react to things. Keep believing. Never stop. Don’t give up on faith. Have faith on faith. It’ll will keep you alive.

Be revived. You’ll never be able to appreciate life once you’ve approached a near death experience. Such experience will lead you to 100% appreciation of life.

Peace that is genuine, an abundance of it, is extravagant. The thing about not caring what others say about you, not fearing any judgment, not entertaining the negatronic (*negatronic – a term my friend uses to negative thoughts) dramas of life, not being insecure anymore — Oh God, my Father, I thank You! This is a gift any person have been waiting to receive. All this while, I didn’t notice that God has a plan in mind.

Today, enrich yourself with F-A-I-T-H. Make it a longing to stay in a kind of relationship with God. Be delighted and trust in His goodness and faithfulness. Even if all else fails or even if every single aspect of your life seems like failing, and even if you don’t have anything to be proud of, earn faith in this stage of your life. Trust-fall with the Lord. It may seem that your life is miserable right now (if we base everything in people’s standard of success) but believe most of all in GOD’S PROMISES, in His GOODNESS, in His PERFECT PLANS for you. Believe in Him alone, to nothing else and to no one else.

Dear Jesus,

Thank you for making me secure in You once again. It’s real hard task not to be insecure. Thank you for giving me LOVE. Your LOVE found me. You are my security. If You have plans for other believers and for other people, I am pretty sure You have plans for me too. Thanks for every revelation Lord. You are an awesome God.

Amen.

 

 

King Nebuchadnezzar

“Seeing yourself as higher than the creator of heaven and earth is madness.”

Daniel 4:21, 25-26

Daniel Interprets the Second Dream
Daniel 5:21
He was driven away from people and given the mind of an animal; he lived with the wild donkeys and ate grass like the ox; and his body was drenched with the dew of heaven, until he acknowledged that the Most High God is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and sets over them anyone he wishes.

…25that you be driven away from mankind and your dwelling place be with the beasts of the field, and you be given grass to eat like cattle and be drenched with the dew of heaven; and seven periods of time will pass over you, until you recognize that the Most High is ruler over the realm of mankind and bestows it on whomever He wishes. 26And in that it was commanded to leave the stump with the roots of the tree, your kingdom will be assured to you after you recognize that it is Heaven that rules.

Nebuchadnezzar, a king, had this royal authority over every creature during his time. His dream came true when he professed and claimed in his own mouth that the great Babylon is his royal residence built by his mighty power and the glory of his majesty.

He was so full of himself that he believed in his own power and greatness. Everything he had is from the Lord but he did not acknowledge it. Therefore, the bad dream he had came to reality. He was set off the kingdom and had lived in the woods for seven years. He lost his mind.

I believe that God intended this to happen to show that His name is sovereign over all the earth. He is in control of everything. He did this to show the people that God is the mightiest. He does whatever pleases Him. And whatever pleases Him is always for our own good. God did set Nebuchadnezzar out in the woods for seven years but after he realized that God is the Most High, he came back to his senses and became greater than before.

When people think highly of themselves and do everything on their own with their own might, taking control of everything, people tend to think that the success they had is only because of their hard work. They seem to forget who authorized it to happen. People are most likely to forget to praise the God who had given them the strength, the knowledge, the wisdom, and everything else they have. As we face success, we take pride on it.

Forget yourself. Forget who you are and what you’ve done. God is the most glorious of all. He is the giver of everything we have. We can never take pride on anything for everything is God’s property. God is the owner and creator of your life, your dreams, your gifts, your skills, your abilities..

Be completely humble!

God is good all the time!

Wake Up

Waking moments happen everyday as you decide to open your eyes to let your eyes gaze the sunshine.

Dying moments happen everyday when you decide to close your eyes and let the darkness consume your being.

If you won’t wake up when you can, you lose in life everyday.

Waking moments are everywhere if you see the good things and believe that it is good.

Dying moments are also everywhere if you see the bad things and believe that it is bad.

Waking moments are happy moments and whenever you feel the love and see the beauty of something.

Dying moments are dull moments and whenever you choose to create the ugliness of things.

Life is wonderful; appreciate it while you can. You’ll never know when true death start to fall.